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Healing Stupid

This is a post I’ve tried to hold off for as long as I can with writing, partly because it’s a cliche post that every single healer should make therefore I shouldn’t screw it up, and partly because I’ve not hit any rut in my gameplay that’s made me think “yes, this is enough to set me off on a healing rant”.

With that in mind, I just have to say one thing, from the perspective of every single healing class ingame: IT IS NOT MY JOB TO HEAL STUPID. You go stand in that fire, or void zone, or Cleave, or Whirlwind. You get those charity heals that I shouldn’t have to give out. No no don’t thank me for saving your ass from something you could have prevented. It’s fine. Keep standing there. Dying. Oh and when you corpse run, don’t blame me.

A bit long for a catchphrase, but that sums up every thought of every healer on the planet.

I ran Gundrak today with a Protection Warrior, a Shadow Priest, a Destruction Warlock and a Rogue of some variety. This was on my Shaman, who should be so overgeared here that I shouldn’t ever need more than Riptide to keep five people alive. As it happens, I was unpleasantly wrong, and the whole instance was me spamming every spell I had to keep people up.

  • Protection Warrior, let’s call him Bob, if he’d said “this is my first time tanking, ever” I would not have been surprised. Agro was all over the shot, people taking hits, even I got agro from Riptiding on a couple of occasions.
  • Shadow Priest, pulling with Mind Flay when the tank wasn’t ready, and a general “gogogo”er from the start. A firm reminder that him being a DPS meant that he didn’t choose the pace set him in his place.
  • Destruction Warlock, on follow on the Shadow Priest for half of the instance, didn’t bother DPSing at all on the first and second boss, did about half the DPS of the next guy. Only on the last boss did he manage to wake up for long enough to scream “HERO HERO” after I’d already used it, then told me I needed to learn to use my skills.
  • Rogue DPS spec #54897, I don’t care, they use pointy things and stab stuff, took two Poison Novas on the first boss and then cried when I told him to corpse run because I was in combat and unable to Res him.

Overall it was a pretty shocking group. Gundrak comes with its fair share of bad stuff to stand in by default, Mojo Puddles, Snake Wraps, Poison Novas, Whirlwinds, blah.

People can afford to get away with it though, due to Blizzard’s ‘all or nothing’ design of damage taking. Poison Nova does (even now) enough damage over its duration to completely erase a DPS’s health bar, and if I’m Snake Wrapped (which I was) then you’re going to die. In this case, I’d like to add, he did. Because every healing class has enough mana to pretty much spam their best heal for a boss fight and only just run OOM (or not) by the end of a boss fight , people assume that they’re going to get a heal and then when they don’t, they blame the healer for not healing.

Cataclysm, I’m so sincerely hoping, will be a lot different. When I have to make the choice between healing a stupid DPS who stands in Poison Nova and potentially running OOM, or not healing the stupid DPS and save my mana for the tank, then people will have less reason to complain. Right now I can only act on my moral high ground, come to my blog and effectively curl up and cry with my ranting, because Blizzard almost expects us to heal the stupid that their stupid encounters and mechanics have created. Call me pedantic but depending on how aggressively you chase the chain of causation, the very fact that Blizzard have plagued the game with encounters all focused on “DPS or Berserk” have lead DPS in this expansion to become tunnel visioned, not capable of dodging fire and poison because their DPS might suffer. Hopefully come Cataclysm, there won’t be as many ‘all or nothing’ encounters for people to tunnel vision on, and people might once again start using abilities that are helpful, not just wasting the mobs as fast as possible in the most damage-soaking way possible.

I don’t feel like I’ve really done this whole rant justice. I’ve used one dungeon example and picked on four players to get to what I really wanted to say, that it’s not my fucking job to heal you when you’re being a ‘tard.

When half of the damage in an instance is completely avoidable, and you’re not avoiding it, you’re being horribly irresponsible to the group in general. When Cataclysm hits in all its fake glory and broken promises, and my mana is precious, then after a few repair bills you might understand that all that time during Wrath when I was “playing God” and “not healing you because I could”, it was for your own damn good.

Healing is a force for good. You’re souring it by acting like a billy idiot. Bob idiot. Whatever.

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